When I first found out about my pregnancy, I experienced a mixture of joy, fear, and doubt. While I awaited the results, I had locked myself away in a friend’s bathroom. The test I took a few months after my fifteenth birthday.
Even though I was to become a teen mom, I still had the same level of joy an older mom-to-be experienced. There was no doubt I would keep the baby. Adoption and abortion never even crossed my mind.
I feared what people would think of me and what would happen when I moved out of my grandparents. How would I offer a child a decent life? I had many doubts about raising a child, and I doubted I would be good enough or strong enough to keep a baby safe and protected.
The father was with me when I took the test. Several days later I had gathered the courage to tell my grandparents. Once I told them, word spread through the family like wildfire. Soon everyone knew, and the phone rang off the hook for days.
After things settled, and everybody accepted the pregnancy, I made arrangements to find a family doctor. The school put me in touch with a woman and soon after I had one. Many tests had to be done, and I visited the doctor regularly. It was often difficult getting to the appointments as the doctor was out of town and I did not drive. I relied on members of my family to get me back and forth.
Many of my friends stopped talking to me when I told them I intended to keep the child. I could no longer take part in the activities they considered fun and got cut from the circle. The decision was difficult and lonely, but I knew it was for the best.
Not long after finding out I was six weeks along, I had severe nausea and vomited from morning to night. My body refused to keep food in my stomach, sometimes not even water. I got scolded at school for having to leave class so often. I kept my pregnancy a secret from the teachers for a while but had to tell them to prevent being kicked out.
Thanks to the support from my grandparents a few weeks after the battle with nausea started I ended up getting a prescription that cost $150. A few days after starting the medicine the vomiting stopped. The vomiting was under control just into my second trimester.
After I could keep food in my stomach, I kept track of what and how I ate. I took prenatal vitamins and tried my best to follow the recommended food guide for pregnant women. I tried to exercise, but I became exhausted all the time.
Although I cut back, I did not quit smoking altogether. That decision is one I will regret forever. Many of my remaining friends abandoned me at this point as I was showing and could no longer keep it a secret. The social life I once had ceased to exist, and I spent my time either at school, at home resting, or preparing for the baby.
Around this time I had tremendous cravings for meat, assorted subs the most and I learned I no longer liked fast food tacos. I continued to attend high school part time and a transition school part time keeping decent grades and attendance.
During my 17th week of pregnancy, I went for my first ultrasound and got to see my baby for the first time. It was nerve-wracking. When I got to hear his heartbeat for the first time, I became overwhelmed with excitement. To keep from laughing out loud, I had to stare at the wall the whole time.
The first time the baby kicked, I became overjoyed. There was tremendous relief in knowing that the baby was happy and healthy. The father felt less thrilled with the boots as he often felt them during the night while he tried to sleep. Often I spent hours just lying there talking to the baby while he kicked away. Every night I waited for him to kick before I went to sleep.
The more I heard my child’s heartbeat, the more I enjoyed it. Once I got over the excitement, I could listen without giggling during the appointments. During my next ultrasound, I had the choice to find out the sex of the baby. Deciding I did not want to ruin the surprise, I waited. In secret, I hoped for a girl, but everyone around me thought it to be a boy.
In my heart, I knew that it didn’t matter what the sex was as long as the baby was healthy. The more he kicked, the more tired I got. Soon I couldn’t walk to school and got a ride. My grandfather dropped me off at a friend’s place a few blocks from the school. After resting, I walked to school from there.
As it got closer to the end of my pregnancy, I went to the doctors even more regularly. Every day my feet swelled, and I had trouble sleeping. I was clumsy, awkward and several times came close to falling while walking down the street.
I struggled to keep up with the workload at school and most days just getting to class was an accomplishment. Most of my teachers were supportive, but there was one in particular who was not subtle in her opinion I was too young to be having a baby. I tried my best to avoid the stares in the hallways, and I went nowhere without headphones in my ears.
Overall I was lucky. There were no other complications during my pregnancy. But it got cut short when I went into labour a month and a half early.
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your undoubtedly busy day to read this! Stay tuned for the next chapter in my story!
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